Awn Kitchen Cafe Closing - What's Next and Why!

It’s been a few weeks since I announced that I made the tough decision to close the café. I have versions of this blog written from before I announced it – but I thought I’d write it from this side of the journey. For those of you that missed the announcement – here it is. The short version – keep reading if you wish to hear a bit more – okay, a lot more, it’s long!

This single basket of eggs is an image of Awn. It represents the reason that I write this post to let you know that I will be closing the café. Our last day of service will be December 23, 2023. The workshop will stay in full swing in the current space. Closing the café brings tremendous opportunity to grow the workshop side of the business.

A client who owns a business – albeit a very different business, recently asked me why I opened the café. I sighed, laughed, and said, “so I wasn’t putting all my eggs in one basket,” I thought about it and added, “and to bring more of Awn to our community.” The irony is all my eggs are in one very small basket. I have been asking myself what the cost of the broken eggs is? Physically, mentally, emotionally, financially. The reality is running a café in the current climate – inflation, the slow roll of the pandemic loss, and although there is a push to support local, sadly the big guys continue to win. Running the café with our values in a tight margin industry is hard to do.

My entire focus is going to shift back to my passion and truly upholding the values that I believe in. Awn will continue to be a spot to share stories and great food together. I am filled with pride for what Awn has been for the last two and a half years, and for the resiliency and dedication of the team. I am also filled with pride for the lessons and growth that have come from the last four years.

Awn is unique – we’re two businesses in one, and I can close the café and continue to live out the vision for my business – sure a little bit different, but I have that opportunity. I am lucky – even though it’s hard. I don’t want sadness around this decision, it’s a decision that has been months in the making. Let’s celebrate the business that Awn is today, and the business that Awn will be as we step into 2024. Let’s also celebrate all small local businesses. So, here’s to what’s ahead, an exciting new chapter and lots of great food.

A Little Bit More

The idea of closing the café had been on my mind for a year – when it first popped into my head, it would come and go. In August I almost pulled the plug – but was in doing a baking shift, and saw the fullness in the café, the familiar faces, and the buzz of it and thought to myself, people really care about us – so I didn’t. In October I almost did it again – but the team came forward and asked to give it one more shot. I am humbled and grateful for both the community and the team that believe so much in the café. But at the end of the day, I kept coming back to the idea of what the business could be without the café – and what my life could be like pushing my full focus back to my passion.

I didn’t know how the community would react – and I was full of nerves. The outpouring of love and support that we’ve received has been overwhelming. It’s not just about a finically viable business, it’s as much about finding a work life balance. Awn and I are one in a lot of ways. I’ve been in fight mode since the end of 2019 – I’ll be 37 in the spring, and I really had to step back and ask myself – is it worth it? Because if I keep the café open – I’ll be in fight mode for a good while – fighting inflation, staffing, long hours… And I want more out of life than a business.

What is Failure

I want to talk about failure a bit – I don’t really believe in it. I think taking a risk means success even if it doesn’t work out as planned, and I think knowing when to call something is also success. Sure, I could sit here and stew in the fact that the café “failed” or that I “failed” the café – and from the outside, I am sure that’s what some people are thinking. I mean sure – the definition of failure is lack of success. But I think we put so much emphasis on it being one or the other. And there is a huge part of me that wonders daily – what if… What if we had opened before Covid? What if we had opened in a normal world? What if I took a break from the workshop and devoted a full 40 hours to being on the floor in the café? What if inflation hadn’t happened? What if I was just a bit stronger? What if I partnered with someone? What if, what if, what if…. ? But here’s the reality – the café business model is hard – our values make it that much harder – our base costs are significantly higher than our competitors. Yes, I believe so deeply in that – but does the customer care? Will they pay the difference, nope. I mean, I shouldn’t say it that black and white, some people do care. The café was what it needed to be for the last two and a half years – we pushed through some really challenging times and made it a success. Could it have been more successful – 100% but does that mean that we should focus on the lack of success, I don’t think so. As a team, we built that space up from the ground through a pandemic and ever-changing restrictions, through inflation and through a changing world. We built systems, we tested, we pushed, we built a little space in the community for people to gather and enjoy good food and coffee together – and for that I feel immense pride. Maybe I’m being optimistic in choosing to celebrate that – rather than the fact that we aren’t keeping on going. I guess my point is – look for the positive always – we see enough negativity in life. On the other side of this – I think it’s important to say, the workshop wouldn’t have succeeded through the pandemic without the café, restrictions would have meant to great a loss – funny how things work out isn’t it?

Our Story

A friend once told me that you only have so many stories in life – and she’s right. I look at my life – and Awn is one of those stories – in the various ways – and as I said when I recently shared the story on social media – Awn’s story is intertwined with mine and I do find it hard to separate them.

Nine years ago (to the day!) I started at Ballymaloe Cookery School – and that’s the beginning of this story – the chapters that followed have been full of highs and lows, and as we embark on a new chapter of this version of Awn, I really can’t wait. Eight years ago, I finished the year celebrating my first six months of business. Six years ago, I ended the year realizing my business had outgrown where I was and started to think about what was next (expanding). Four years ago, I was excited and eagerly anticipating what was ahead for my small business – I had rebranded and announced I was expanding. Two and a half years ago I opened Awn (we closed two and a half years to the day!) and as 2023 was winding down and as 2024 has started – I am looking ahead with great excitement for what’s next. Life isn’t a straight path; it’s not supposed to be. I look at the last four years and how much I’ve been pushed – but also at how much I’ve had to grow – as a person, as a business owner, as an educator, and I think about all of that and where it puts my small business now – I’m a little bit smarter, a hell of a lot stronger, and I’ve found my light and passion again.

Work / Life Balance – A Slow Life

I feel in a lot of ways Awn as it’s been since 2021 swallowed me alive – I became this version of myself that was unrecognizable… In small and big ways. I realized – I share this idea in the workshop and on social media that life should be slow (something I believe so much in). That we should take time to eat with our families and friends, to get outside, to find joy in the simple things, and sure it sounds so cliché, but it’s what life is all about. Yet, I live a life of contradiction. I don’t believe in self-care so to speak– I think taking time to experience, do the things that fill our cup shouldn’t be labeled, they should just be part of life, part of our day. Society sets us up for this daily grind – always wanting more – and in that we don’t step back or celebrate slowness. I talk about this often when I talk about how little value is put on good, slow, fair, clean food…. There’s a million excuses and reasons to not make it a priority. It’s funny, being an entrepreneur there is this grind to always achieve more…. But what about being content in the now, and being content with enough?

I also believe so much in having a career that is rewarding, and prior to expanding I always felt so grateful to have a career that I loved – something I was passionate about and that I got to share. Through expanding and running the business as it’s been for the last two and a half years, I really have felt like I’ve lost my voice, my passion and my why in it all. In October I was lucky enough to spend a few days in Calgary with Darina Allen – who owns Ballymaloe Cookery School in Ireland – where I went to culinary school. This is perhaps the point that tipped me over the edge with the café, because for the first time in a long time, I felt fire and passion inside of me to tell stories and to continue to learn and grow as an educator. I stepped back and asked myself where my why had went, and how I could get it back.

What’s Next?

As I’ve said, Awn is unique. In some ways – I believe that had I opened in 2021 with just the workshop, the workshop wouldn’t have survived – the café did in some ways – carry Awn through some tough waters with restrictions. We opened too late for any support from the government, we opened with a tremendous number of credits hanging out on the back end of the website – something I will always be grateful for, but that really impacted the way Awn to date has been able to grow. The cafe was meant to be part of this story, I believe that, so very much. I will forever be grateful that I opened two businesses not just one – and that now, I can make the choice to step back and focus on the piece I love – where it started.

The questions we’ve been getting the most are about our cinnamon buns, sausage rolls, retail and whether I would be open to leasing the café space.

We have some hefty goals for 2024. As we have more of a solid plan about pop up markets, pop up dinners and brunches and Awn at Home, I will let you all know on social media and through our newsletter. Our hope though, is to do monthly pop ups where you can grab your favourite Awn items in singles or in multiples – fresh and frozen and to host a variety of pop-up dinners and brunches, we also hope to later in 2024 re-launch Awn at Home. Our retail section will of course be open when we do pop-ups and before and after classes. If you have anything you’d like to see from us, do get in touch and let us know.

Leasing the café – although it may seem like it makes sense, it doesn’t make sense for Awn. I realize now, more than ever where my focus is and what my goals are, and in that – building the workshop doesn’t work alongside a functioning café, it’s too tight, it’s too small.

The space will stay as is – for the most part. The land (including where Find is) is currently in for re-zoning and there is a plan for both buildings to be torn down with retail and condos going in. Which, I must admit adds to the complexity of this whole thing – but it’s also the reason we won’t make any hard changes to the space. We will adapt and make a few minor changes to still make the most of the entire space

There is so much good that is coming out of this change, and one of the things that I am most excited for is that we can now offer so much more in the workshop – from team building to day classes, to larger classes, to longer classes, to catered lunches and meetings, we can utilize the workshop to its full potential and share more of this space to our community.

For Entrepreneurs

I just want to say – it’s okay to pivot and adapt – to change your vision, to change your path. This notion that small business is grit and grind, and that we have to always be working – because if we aren’t, we aren’t successful. No! The only way to being a good business owner is to find balance and rhythm in the slow periods too. As I step into this next phase of my life and my business – I come at it with a list of goals – and at the top of that list is to not get stuck in the same thing just with a different structure. Those who don’t own small businesses maybe can relate in various ways – but when your entire business lies on your shoulders – it’s hard, it’s also so so rewarding. I think fear of failure and fear of the unknown often hold us back from taking a step – and when you’re “in it” it’s hard to see another version of what it could be… Don’t be scared to say this is too much. Don’t hold on for that what if’s because now that I’m here, I really believe holding on for the what if’s is the very reason that I stopped myself from seeing the possibility of what’s next – and the what’s next as I’ve said – is going to be great. And as I say this – I also recognize that I am lucky to be able to do this.

A Final Note

The support the café saw in the last week – is the support we needed to see to keep our doors open. Ironic, isn’t it. A friend said to me – “that’s the way people are, they want what they can’t have.” I am so grateful for all of the people who love the café at Awn the little spot in the community – whether it be for our cinnamon buns, sausage rolls, breakfast sandwich or coffee – but let's let this be a reminder, don’t wait till your favourite business can’t keep going because they’re burnt out or because they’re struggling – support the small guys.

I wrote a blog a while ago about the big guy vs. the little guy – and I desperately wanted to prove that this model of mine could work – and who knows maybe one day it will, when I have had time to recover from the storm that has been the last four years… I know life is expensive – spend less often and spend with more intention.

If you’ve made it this far – thank you. Here’s to what’s next – here’s to the people that believe so much in Awn – from where we started, to where we are today. Thanks for being here, for sharing this journey with us and for being as excited for what’s next as we are. Here’s to a spot in the community where we will continue to gather with good food while learning and connecting.

Kaelin x